Todays post is written by a dear friend of mine, Merry Roth.
Merry and I met under unlikely and unfortunate circumstances. We lost someone very special to us to cancer. However, through that passing new bonds and friendships were forged. I feel blessed to have Merry, with all her wisdom and grace, in my life.
Thank you, Merry for this beautiful contribution.
Of course, November is the perfect month to talk about gratitude because, after all, it contains Thanksgiving. Not that giving thanks come to mind first when the word Thanksgiving comes up in the conversation. No, generally it’s memories of tender turkey, savory stuffing and the perfect piece of pumpkin pie that pops up in the cartoon bubble above our heads. I am totally guilty of that. Gratitude—giving thanks—is much more of a cerebral concept. Most of us less-evolved people have to intentionally think about giving thanks for the people and things that bring meaning to our lives.
Recently I discovered that there are really two sides to gratitude—giving thanks and receiving thanks. We eagerly offer our thanks to those that make our lives easier, better, more pleasant, more filled with love. It makes us feel good to recognize those special people, and to see how just saying “thanks!” can lift them up. But receiving thanks graciously is often over-looked and under-practiced.
I came to that realization after a recent visit to my mom’s, who continues to teach me about compassionate living without spouting a single lesson. My mom is a proud, feisty woman who ended up permanently reliant on a walker after back surgery, and without a partner to manage the complexities of daily life, after my dad died. In order to keep her out of assisted living, I stepped up to fill in the gaps.
This particular visit fell on one of those days where managing my OWN life was going to take a magician, aside from making sure my mom’s needs were met. My calendar was strategically planned to maximize every available minute for task completion. I dashed off emails, slam-dunked laundry, raced to the pharmacy, the post office, the grocery store, took her out for lunch at Perkins, did her dishes, balanced her checkbook…and saw I was dangerously close to not making it home in time to make dinner. “Sorry, Mom, I’ve got to go…”, I said, not noticing she had just cut up some of her home-made banana bread for us to share, and heated up a cup of water for my tea. “But I want to thank you! And this is all I have to thank you with,” she said.
Clearly, lf I stayed, not only would the schedule be blown, but my no-sweets diet, as well. The look on her face clinched the deal. It reminded me that sometimes people need to offer something of value back, to feel worthy of a kindness. And to not recognize that, to ignore that gesture of thanks, diminishes a person’s self-worth.
Of course I stayed for the tea and banana bread, and blew my diet and schedule. And, yes, I had to call my husband and tell him we would be eating late. The earth did not shift out of orbit. And my mom…she was happy I stayed to share her treats.
Merry Roth
